Caulking: the good, the bad and a saying of Marvin

Few home improvement jobs strike greater terror in the hearts of homeowners than caulking, according to my informal study involving people I know. Ironically, how many DIY projects can you think of that are so safe? No dangerous saws or drills. No hammers to bang your thumb with. No nails to step on. What's the worst thing that can happen caulking? As far as I can tell, nothing more horrible than what might appear to be a very bad toothpaste day. And even that is before you wipe it up, which brings to mind the following vital instruction:

Saying of Marvin: "First you make a mess. Then you clean it up."

Who's Marvin? To say Marvin is a painter just doesn't do him justice. He is nothing short of an artist who happens to paint houses. But it doesn't end there. He has created exquisite fencing and other carpentry projects for two of my homes and rescued me in the nick of time as more than one renovation disaster was looming. He's also left me high and dry without a trace a couple of times too. You see Marvin also periodically dematerializes, disappears without a trace for indeterminable lengths of time to who knows where. Sooner or later, though, he resurfaces--or has done so far. He's currently missing.

Marvin, if you're reading this, I need your help with the driveway gate that's sticking again and the wood is splitting because of it. Also, the screen door ripped when you didn't replace it with the storm door last winter and the delivery guys were sticking holiday packages between it and the regular door. I took matters into my own hands and put the storm door in (poorly, for good reason); but, by then, it was too late. Also, the frame for the storm and screen doors needs refinishing. Remember you did one coat of poly and said you'd finish up last Fall when you put the storm door in? So, could you beam yourself back from the West Roxbury Triangle to help with these little things--pleeeeeeze!

Anyway, caulking. I must admit that before Marvin's sage advice (and demonstration) I too was caulking phobic. But no more.

You see, the reason Marvin's advisory is so important, technically and psychologically, is because people think that just because they made a complete mess applying the caulking, that mess is what they're stuck with. It's not. You then wipe up the excess, leaving a nice, tidy seam.

Nonetheless, you can minimize the mess in the first place by how you cut the tube of caulking. Don't just hack off the top and then wonder why you are getting such huge gobs of the stuff coming out of the tube. The trick is to snip off the smallest amount possible so that the opening in the tube is the same size as the seam you want to fill. If you're not sure, simply cut a very small amount off the top of the tube and try that. If it's too narrow, make the hole a bit bigger. Obviously, it's a lot easier to make the hole incrementally bigger than trying to clean up the mess created by a way too big hole, which you can't make smaller.

Caulking guns. As obvious as it may seem to some, others might not know. To apply caulking, you need a caulking gun. Tomboy Tools has a really nice one that makes regulating flow a breeze. (It's the one on the left in the photo.) But a regular cheap caulking gun (right in photo) will do the job fine. You put the tube of caulking in the gun and push up from the bottom to get the bead of caulking to come out. As the caulking emerges, you move it along your seam, like applying toothpaste to a toothbrush, only for a longer distance. If it doesn't apply perfectly smoothly, don't sweat it. Just finish that seam and then take a clean cloth (rag) and wipe up the excess with smooth wipes along the seamline. Do this with each seam so you keep ahead of the drying time.

That's all there is to it! Try it first in a location you aren't worried about, if you're nervous. Then, go wild!

Caulking comes in different shades. Simply pick one that matches your application. As far as brands, my personal favorite is Phenoseal because it seems to be best tolerated in our chemically sensitive household. However, many tradespeople who don't care about air quality also prefer Phenoseal. So, it has wider appeal.

You can purchase Phenoseal at any hardware store here in Massachusetts (it's a locally-made product). If you can't get as easily near you, you can mail order it from Safe Building Solutions. Tell Andy I sent you!